[In some ways, "let's get this over with" seems more than accurate; it isn't as though Alexei doesn't want to do this so much as it is that it strikes him, roughly, that he's likely to regret this deeply if it moves forward. Knowing what they're returning to, knowing all of what is set to come after - he's been rather prepared to live with all of that, but the question of whether this will change anything is a difficult one to answer. In some ways, he doesn't want it to; what's done is done, and he's... Well, he can't make himself care deeply at all about what has come to pass with regards to Raven. It's a shame, perhaps, but if that is how things are going to unfold then so be it; there isn't much point in wanting things to be different as far as all of that goes, and so he keeps his focus set on the things that will ultimately matter.
But there's some part of him - that selfish, spoiled part of him that still wants to keep people close, that refuses to die no matter how many times he tries to kill it - that wonders if Schwann won't fucking leave him after all of this.
The last time he'd reached out for him like this it had been at the shrine; it'd been different then, it had been forceful and rough and brought with it a threat just as much as anything. It's something he vividly remembers, and something Schwann hasn't experienced yet, and something that he can't keep out of his mind when he doesn't grab him this time, instead letting his hand seek out the side of Schwann's face. The touch is light, though stops well short of a proper caress; he doesn't have it in him to be gentle like that and they both know it.
He'll withdraw his touch after a moment, however. Considering.]
no subject
But there's some part of him - that selfish, spoiled part of him that still wants to keep people close, that refuses to die no matter how many times he tries to kill it - that wonders if Schwann won't fucking leave him after all of this.
The last time he'd reached out for him like this it had been at the shrine; it'd been different then, it had been forceful and rough and brought with it a threat just as much as anything. It's something he vividly remembers, and something Schwann hasn't experienced yet, and something that he can't keep out of his mind when he doesn't grab him this time, instead letting his hand seek out the side of Schwann's face. The touch is light, though stops well short of a proper caress; he doesn't have it in him to be gentle like that and they both know it.
He'll withdraw his touch after a moment, however. Considering.]
If you would, yes.