[Alexei is strangely quiet throughout this entire thing; the only sound he offers is quiet, under his breath, as the kisses find his neck. It's hardly displeased, however, and his grip against Schwann's back tightens involuntarily before he seems to realize and makes himself loosen it a little - not nearly enough to imply that he wants to let go, because he doesn't, but enough to not seem desperate.
Always concerned with impressions, even now.
Granted, it also allows one of his hands to make its way up, fingers burying into Schwann's hair; the gesture is awkward, surely, but it's an affectionate one, stroking through it gently before finding purchase at the nape of Schwann's neck, fingertips kneading into the skin there in a way that's definitely encouraging.
This is something he's going to hate later. Having done all of this here, now... He should be putting a stop to it, he should have more control than this. Especially over Schwann - this is something that shouldn't even have crossed their minds as acceptable. But he can hate himself later; right now his mind is hazy with Hamelin's song from earlier this week and just how good all of this feels and the vague thought that this is something he'll never get to have back in Terca Lumireis - that this is something it never even crossed his mind to want back in Terca Lumireis, because that would involve feelings he isn't allowed to have anymore.
Out of the lot of them, Schwann has always been the one he's trusted most; he's the closest thing to a person that anyone is allowed to be to him, and even then... Even then it's easier to dismiss him as something else, a tool, a doll, some sort of thing that he created, about as complex as the Heracles but equally as unquestioning. Right now it's difficult to keep sight of that - not with Schwann's body pressed up against his, not with the way he seems so interested in doing this and doing it well - and he isn't sure what he should feel about that.
This isn't something he should want, but the fact of the matter is that he does, and for now that's enough.]
no subject
Always concerned with impressions, even now.
Granted, it also allows one of his hands to make its way up, fingers burying into Schwann's hair; the gesture is awkward, surely, but it's an affectionate one, stroking through it gently before finding purchase at the nape of Schwann's neck, fingertips kneading into the skin there in a way that's definitely encouraging.
This is something he's going to hate later. Having done all of this here, now... He should be putting a stop to it, he should have more control than this. Especially over Schwann - this is something that shouldn't even have crossed their minds as acceptable. But he can hate himself later; right now his mind is hazy with Hamelin's song from earlier this week and just how good all of this feels and the vague thought that this is something he'll never get to have back in Terca Lumireis - that this is something it never even crossed his mind to want back in Terca Lumireis, because that would involve feelings he isn't allowed to have anymore.
Out of the lot of them, Schwann has always been the one he's trusted most; he's the closest thing to a person that anyone is allowed to be to him, and even then... Even then it's easier to dismiss him as something else, a tool, a doll, some sort of thing that he created, about as complex as the Heracles but equally as unquestioning. Right now it's difficult to keep sight of that - not with Schwann's body pressed up against his, not with the way he seems so interested in doing this and doing it well - and he isn't sure what he should feel about that.
This isn't something he should want, but the fact of the matter is that he does, and for now that's enough.]