[The laugh that gets from him is soft, but there's a sharp, bitter edge to it.]
I understand, of course. Someone else who has experienced the same thing... It's a bit crazy to think about, truthfully. Not thinking about it has always been so much easier.
[He managed to go for so long until everything started catching up with him like this, but that likely isn't quite how Raven's been handling it.]
I'm not sure I really know what to say now that we actually have the time to talk about it.
[Even if he hadn't been actively avoiding it back home, they're both busy people, and their paths never crossed in meaningful ways. It's a little odd that they have to deal with it here and now, but perhaps in some morbid way that also makes it a bit easier.]
...Yeah. Comin' here, I thought I had my questions all lined up. But now that we're actually talkin', it's a totally different story.
[...]
I think we deserve a pass, considerin' neither of us should be talkin' ta each other in the first place.
[But he doesn't want to just let heavy silence creep in, or leave and never speak of this again. As much as continuing to avoid this sounds great, they've come way too far now.]
All right, let's start with this. Has your blastia given ya physical problems? I joke about bein' old and tired, but this thing really does knock the wind outta me if I exert myself too much.
[it's not about their past lives, about what Alexei did. It's about them, as they are now. Their current struggles.]
[Honestly, it's good Raven's leading this, and it's also good that Raven's in his room, because otherwise Yeager would have left by now. This is more than he ever wanted to address, after all. But it's... not as terrible as he'd thought it'd be. Raven also makes the decision to address it as they are now, without dwelling in the past, which is far easier for Yeager to handle.]
I've noticed the same thing. While I still can handle myself perfectly well even without Gauche and Droite's assistance, it's far easier on me to have them around just in case.
[In other words, they can handle the random encounters so he doesn't risk straining himself. Boss battles should be saved for important moments!!]
I will admit that I am lucky in that mine has never caused any other problems; if it had, I'm not entirely sure what I could have done about it.
[It's not like he's ever let anyone else see it, after all, and the idea of trying to explain it to anyone with the proper blastia knowledge to handle it is horrid, so he'd really rather not.]
[Can't believe my character has to drag this shit out again--
Raven's eyes widen slightly in realization.]
That's a good point, actually. You coulda been in some deep shit if it seriously malfunctioned. [He absentmindedly reaches toward where his blastia is, remembering what happened to him in Heliord.] Even I don't know how the thing actually works, and I've had ta watch Alexei fiddle with it a bunch of times over the years...
[Which...kind of segues into a more awkward topic, if only briefly.]
I'm...guessin' you and Alexei don't exactly have the same relationship.
[Though given how different their relationships are with Alexei, maybe it wasn't all that bad for Raven. Still, letting anyone look at the blastia for an extended period of time sends chills down Yeager's spine.
At that question, he pauses for a moment, briefly considering how to answer.]
Not at all. If I had a choice in it, I wouldn't have anything to do with him.
[He left the Empire all those years ago and never had any intention of returning.]
I got used to him lookin' over time. Still don't look forward to havin' routine checkups though, and I don't go showin' it ta anyone else.
[That includes anyone who wants to get physically intimate with him. He just...can't, and that's not even getting into his other hangups.
...
"If I had a choice in it"... Raven finds himself running a hand down his face.]
I don't blame you, not one bit. I joined the guilds because Alexei wants me ta keep an eye on the Don, but the more time I've spent with him in Dahngrest and with those kids in Brave Vesperia...the less connected ta my old life I feel. I see why ya worked yer way into the Union yerself.
[But Yeager still does have a connection too, it sounds like.]
I won't ask ya ta go into specifics as ta why you're answerin' to him then. I try not ta question why he's doin' what he's doin' these days as it is.
I... needed to get as far away as I could when I woke up. That's all it was.
[And in some ways, maybe that's still all it is. The further away he gets from it, the more drastically different his life becomes, then the less he has to think about it.]
But I can't say I regret that decision at all. I really do enjoy the guilds.
[It's easy to see where "Raven" became more than just a mask. The Don was an exceptional individual, and Raven's time with Brave Vesperia and friends has undoubtedly shaped him too, even in ways he likely didn't realize and may not be aware of even now.
The last part gets a brief pause from him again before he lifts his shoulders a bit.]
That's the best way to handle it. Regardless of what our... arrangement is like back in Terca Lumireis, things are very different here, ja?
[He doesn't care to protect Alexei, but making waves about this seems ill-advised. Right now they've got bigger things to worry about.]
I still don't know exactly what he's up to, and exactly what it is he's trying to accomplish.
Well, there ain't much further you can get than the guilds.
[So Yeager really did bolt like, immediately. If that's the case, then...as far as Alexei was concerned, there really only was one survivor.
As for their current circumstances...man, hearing that from Yeager leaves him feeling even more uneasy.]
And you have more memories than I do... [His gaze drifts to the floor for a moment as he considers it. What the hell is going on in Alexei's head?] I know you've got no reason ta care, but I've been tryin' ta get him ta talk. You're probably right about not pushin' it too hard here, though. Hamelin's decided ta make him our biggest problem at the moment.
[There's a brief moment of pause while he briefly considers telling Raven everything he remembers happening. It wouldn't explain Alexei's plans, but it would be satisfying... but that's just going to cause more problems than he really feels like dealing with right now. So fine, he'll continue to follow orders. For now.]
I must admit, I am curious about it... But ja, we can't exactly prioritize everything going on back home when we have this situation to deal with.
Though given how little there is to do here... maybe you'll have some success at getting him to talk at some point.
[Oh, so Yeager would like to know... He nods, filing that away.]
He's...been pretty evasive so far. Says my concerns are unwarranted. [Which obviously doesn't sit right with him from the look of frustration on his face.] And I have no idea how ta even approach talkin' ta him about today...
[About how he never knew he wasn't the only survivor from the platoon, and why Alexei never bothered to tell him. But at this point...what even is there to say?]
But yeah, ya do bring up a good point. If we've got enough downtime...maybe he'll relent a little.
Edited (forgot a whole-ass word) 2021-06-19 05:00 (UTC)
[Once again there's a pause as he considers. He doesn't really know how to address this, but...]
We haven't been working together the whole time.
[So it's possible Alexei assumed he died. It's possible that he really did mean it, that Raven was the only one - because he was the only one still around. It wasn't exactly the truth, but it wasn't precisely a lie either; he didn't stick around for any longer than was absolutely necessary. The moment he could move was the moment he escaped, and he didn't look back.]
Still, you'd think it would be important information for you to have... particularly when we were in the same area.
[While he may find fighting over a box hilarious, he doubts Raven shares that sentiment!!!]
Anyway, he likely has his reasons for keeping secrets, whatever those may be. I'm certain whatever he has to say about me won't be particularly kind, but I don't really care. Feel free to ask him whatever you'd like.
[It's easier to shove that off on Alexei than to have to answer for himself. Can Alexei even answer any of the questions Raven might have? Maybe not, but whatever, he'd rather not deal with it!]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I understand, of course. Someone else who has experienced the same thing... It's a bit crazy to think about, truthfully. Not thinking about it has always been so much easier.
[He managed to go for so long until everything started catching up with him like this, but that likely isn't quite how Raven's been handling it.]
I'm not sure I really know what to say now that we actually have the time to talk about it.
[Even if he hadn't been actively avoiding it back home, they're both busy people, and their paths never crossed in meaningful ways. It's a little odd that they have to deal with it here and now, but perhaps in some morbid way that also makes it a bit easier.]
no subject
[...]
I think we deserve a pass, considerin' neither of us should be talkin' ta each other in the first place.
[But he doesn't want to just let heavy silence creep in, or leave and never speak of this again. As much as continuing to avoid this sounds great, they've come way too far now.]
All right, let's start with this. Has your blastia given ya physical problems? I joke about bein' old and tired, but this thing really does knock the wind outta me if I exert myself too much.
[it's not about their past lives, about what Alexei did. It's about them, as they are now. Their current struggles.]
no subject
I've noticed the same thing. While I still can handle myself perfectly well even without Gauche and Droite's assistance, it's far easier on me to have them around just in case.
[In other words, they can handle the random encounters so he doesn't risk straining himself. Boss battles should be saved for important moments!!]
I will admit that I am lucky in that mine has never caused any other problems; if it had, I'm not entirely sure what I could have done about it.
[It's not like he's ever let anyone else see it, after all, and the idea of trying to explain it to anyone with the proper blastia knowledge to handle it is horrid, so he'd really rather not.]
no subject
Raven's eyes widen slightly in realization.]
That's a good point, actually. You coulda been in some deep shit if it seriously malfunctioned. [He absentmindedly reaches toward where his blastia is, remembering what happened to him in Heliord.] Even I don't know how the thing actually works, and I've had ta watch Alexei fiddle with it a bunch of times over the years...
[Which...kind of segues into a more awkward topic, if only briefly.]
I'm...guessin' you and Alexei don't exactly have the same relationship.
no subject
I can only imagine how dreadful that was.
[Though given how different their relationships are with Alexei, maybe it wasn't all that bad for Raven. Still, letting anyone look at the blastia for an extended period of time sends chills down Yeager's spine.
At that question, he pauses for a moment, briefly considering how to answer.]
Not at all. If I had a choice in it, I wouldn't have anything to do with him.
[He left the Empire all those years ago and never had any intention of returning.]
no subject
[That includes anyone who wants to get physically intimate with him. He just...can't, and that's not even getting into his other hangups.
...
"If I had a choice in it"... Raven finds himself running a hand down his face.]
I don't blame you, not one bit. I joined the guilds because Alexei wants me ta keep an eye on the Don, but the more time I've spent with him in Dahngrest and with those kids in Brave Vesperia...the less connected ta my old life I feel. I see why ya worked yer way into the Union yerself.
[But Yeager still does have a connection too, it sounds like.]
I won't ask ya ta go into specifics as ta why you're answerin' to him then. I try not ta question why he's doin' what he's doin' these days as it is.
no subject
[And in some ways, maybe that's still all it is. The further away he gets from it, the more drastically different his life becomes, then the less he has to think about it.]
But I can't say I regret that decision at all. I really do enjoy the guilds.
[It's easy to see where "Raven" became more than just a mask. The Don was an exceptional individual, and Raven's time with Brave Vesperia and friends has undoubtedly shaped him too, even in ways he likely didn't realize and may not be aware of even now.
The last part gets a brief pause from him again before he lifts his shoulders a bit.]
That's the best way to handle it. Regardless of what our... arrangement is like back in Terca Lumireis, things are very different here, ja?
[He doesn't care to protect Alexei, but making waves about this seems ill-advised. Right now they've got bigger things to worry about.]
I still don't know exactly what he's up to, and exactly what it is he's trying to accomplish.
no subject
[So Yeager really did bolt like, immediately. If that's the case, then...as far as Alexei was concerned, there really only was one survivor.
As for their current circumstances...man, hearing that from Yeager leaves him feeling even more uneasy.]
And you have more memories than I do... [His gaze drifts to the floor for a moment as he considers it. What the hell is going on in Alexei's head?] I know you've got no reason ta care, but I've been tryin' ta get him ta talk. You're probably right about not pushin' it too hard here, though. Hamelin's decided ta make him our biggest problem at the moment.
no subject
I must admit, I am curious about it... But ja, we can't exactly prioritize everything going on back home when we have this situation to deal with.
Though given how little there is to do here... maybe you'll have some success at getting him to talk at some point.
no subject
He's...been pretty evasive so far. Says my concerns are unwarranted. [Which obviously doesn't sit right with him from the look of frustration on his face.] And I have no idea how ta even approach talkin' ta him about today...
[About how he never knew he wasn't the only survivor from the platoon, and why Alexei never bothered to tell him. But at this point...what even is there to say?]
But yeah, ya do bring up a good point. If we've got enough downtime...maybe he'll relent a little.
no subject
We haven't been working together the whole time.
[So it's possible Alexei assumed he died. It's possible that he really did mean it, that Raven was the only one - because he was the only one still around. It wasn't exactly the truth, but it wasn't precisely a lie either; he didn't stick around for any longer than was absolutely necessary. The moment he could move was the moment he escaped, and he didn't look back.]
Still, you'd think it would be important information for you to have... particularly when we were in the same area.
[While he may find fighting over a box hilarious, he doubts Raven shares that sentiment!!!]
Anyway, he likely has his reasons for keeping secrets, whatever those may be. I'm certain whatever he has to say about me won't be particularly kind, but I don't really care. Feel free to ask him whatever you'd like.
[It's easier to shove that off on Alexei than to have to answer for himself. Can Alexei even answer any of the questions Raven might have? Maybe not, but whatever, he'd rather not deal with it!]