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[That's... It's not really something he knows what to do with, though for the time being he just keeps playing with Schwann's hair a bit while he considers.]
It's never been something I had considered too deeply, I suppose. Not with you, but not with anyone else, either.
I'm still not entirely certain what I think of it. But then, I've also decided that I can concern myself with that afterwards.
[It's difficult for him to shut that part of his brain off, always concerned with about eighty other things every time an action is taken. But for now he's content to just let this be, because it's something that he's allowing himself to have just for its own sake.]
It's never been something I had considered too deeply, I suppose. Not with you, but not with anyone else, either.
I'm still not entirely certain what I think of it. But then, I've also decided that I can concern myself with that afterwards.
[It's difficult for him to shut that part of his brain off, always concerned with about eighty other things every time an action is taken. But for now he's content to just let this be, because it's something that he's allowing himself to have just for its own sake.]
...Then I'll solve the rest, regarding leaving this place in a way that's ideal for all of us - so that this won't have been for nothing.
[It's just a matter of figuring out how to do this without causing an uncontrollable amount of stupid repercussions.]
I dislike the idea of being reunited with you only to have to resign myself to never seeing you again. I'll have a solution, next time you see me.
[It's just a matter of figuring out how to do this without causing an uncontrollable amount of stupid repercussions.]
I dislike the idea of being reunited with you only to have to resign myself to never seeing you again. I'll have a solution, next time you see me.
[Oh...
Rather than dealing with that tight feeling in his chest, Schwann opts to tease Alexei a little.]
Do you realize how sappy that sounded? [It doesn't stop him from grinning.] I wouldn't expect anything less from the genius Commandant, though.
Rather than dealing with that tight feeling in his chest, Schwann opts to tease Alexei a little.]
Do you realize how sappy that sounded? [It doesn't stop him from grinning.] I wouldn't expect anything less from the genius Commandant, though.
[Schwann nods a little as he does his best to take in what Alexei's saying through his clouded mind.]
I understand that more than you might think. Despite how Raven is, he's never allowed himself to get this close to anyone.
[Physically, maybe. But his emotions have never been part of the equation. Any attempts at actual romance have been gently turned down. He's never been able to put his metaphorical heart into it.
That's what is going to make this so strange to process in the morning.]
It's nice, though. To not think too deeply about it for once. I'm...glad you were willing to make it last by staying with me.
I understand that more than you might think. Despite how Raven is, he's never allowed himself to get this close to anyone.
[Physically, maybe. But his emotions have never been part of the equation. Any attempts at actual romance have been gently turned down. He's never been able to put his metaphorical heart into it.
That's what is going to make this so strange to process in the morning.]
It's nice, though. To not think too deeply about it for once. I'm...glad you were willing to make it last by staying with me.
...I admit that it had never occurred to me that you might want something like this to begin with.
[Certainly not with him, at any rate; he's never believed that Schwann hates him entirely, but there's always been a general understanding that there's something there that Alexei isn't allowed near. He's always known that, and he's always understood why; it's just one of many things that they don't talk about.
So to say this is unexpected is an understatement; it's not an unpleasant thought, it's just unfamiliar, something that he'll work through on his own time.]
Either way, of course I'm willing to stay. I want to.
[Certainly not with him, at any rate; he's never believed that Schwann hates him entirely, but there's always been a general understanding that there's something there that Alexei isn't allowed near. He's always known that, and he's always understood why; it's just one of many things that they don't talk about.
So to say this is unexpected is an understatement; it's not an unpleasant thought, it's just unfamiliar, something that he'll work through on his own time.]
Either way, of course I'm willing to stay. I want to.
And I am aware of that.
[He wouldn't be here today otherwise.
...he reaches up to gently touch his chest like he still isn't sure if his blastia is acting up again or if Alexei was actually just that charming just now. Eventually he lets out a small, amused sigh before redirecting his attention to Alexei.]
Thank you again, for...all of this.
[For carrying on despite everything, and for giving him something to look forward to going into what is to come.]
[He wouldn't be here today otherwise.
...he reaches up to gently touch his chest like he still isn't sure if his blastia is acting up again or if Alexei was actually just that charming just now. Eventually he lets out a small, amused sigh before redirecting his attention to Alexei.]
Thank you again, for...all of this.
[For carrying on despite everything, and for giving him something to look forward to going into what is to come.]
I honestly didn't think I did. Given my circumstances, I suppose...I didn't see much point in it. [Why would a doll unfit to make its own decisions deserve to pursue romance? Who would ever want to be with what amounts to an empty shell?] But something about this week just got me thinking. Maybe it's all the alcohol.
[It's easy to blame things on the alcohol.
But that excuse doesn't work so well when he has to factor Alexei into the equation. Why Alexei? He ponders it over in a few moments of silence.]
I find it difficult to put into words, in this moment. Admittedly my thought process is a little lacking right now. [He literally can't help but blame the alcohol for that.] But somewhere along the way, in those ten years...maybe I didn't see my loyalty to you as simply an obligation.
[As for when he lost it again, he can't really say. But it obviously wasn't gone for good, if tonight has taught him anything.]
[It's easy to blame things on the alcohol.
But that excuse doesn't work so well when he has to factor Alexei into the equation. Why Alexei? He ponders it over in a few moments of silence.]
I find it difficult to put into words, in this moment. Admittedly my thought process is a little lacking right now. [He literally can't help but blame the alcohol for that.] But somewhere along the way, in those ten years...maybe I didn't see my loyalty to you as simply an obligation.
[As for when he lost it again, he can't really say. But it obviously wasn't gone for good, if tonight has taught him anything.]
...I see.
[His tone is odd when he says it, the sort of thing that implies he really, really doesn't see; just the same, perhaps it's best to let it be. Pressing won't accomplish anything, and as of tomorrow it will be as though none of this ever happened; looking into it too deeply seems a bit of a pointless endeavor, and the whole thing is really best left alone, he's fairly sure.]
Well, I suppose I should be thankful that you told me. Even if I did give you a hard time for it.
[His tone is odd when he says it, the sort of thing that implies he really, really doesn't see; just the same, perhaps it's best to let it be. Pressing won't accomplish anything, and as of tomorrow it will be as though none of this ever happened; looking into it too deeply seems a bit of a pointless endeavor, and the whole thing is really best left alone, he's fairly sure.]
Well, I suppose I should be thankful that you told me. Even if I did give you a hard time for it.
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