...I admit that it had never occurred to me that you might want something like this to begin with.
[Certainly not with him, at any rate; he's never believed that Schwann hates him entirely, but there's always been a general understanding that there's something there that Alexei isn't allowed near. He's always known that, and he's always understood why; it's just one of many things that they don't talk about.
So to say this is unexpected is an understatement; it's not an unpleasant thought, it's just unfamiliar, something that he'll work through on his own time.]
Either way, of course I'm willing to stay. I want to.
I honestly didn't think I did. Given my circumstances, I suppose...I didn't see much point in it. [Why would a doll unfit to make its own decisions deserve to pursue romance? Who would ever want to be with what amounts to an empty shell?] But something about this week just got me thinking. Maybe it's all the alcohol.
[It's easy to blame things on the alcohol.
But that excuse doesn't work so well when he has to factor Alexei into the equation. Why Alexei? He ponders it over in a few moments of silence.]
I find it difficult to put into words, in this moment. Admittedly my thought process is a little lacking right now. [He literally can't help but blame the alcohol for that.] But somewhere along the way, in those ten years...maybe I didn't see my loyalty to you as simply an obligation.
[As for when he lost it again, he can't really say. But it obviously wasn't gone for good, if tonight has taught him anything.]
[His tone is odd when he says it, the sort of thing that implies he really, really doesn't see; just the same, perhaps it's best to let it be. Pressing won't accomplish anything, and as of tomorrow it will be as though none of this ever happened; looking into it too deeply seems a bit of a pointless endeavor, and the whole thing is really best left alone, he's fairly sure.]
Well, I suppose I should be thankful that you told me. Even if I did give you a hard time for it.
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no subject
[Certainly not with him, at any rate; he's never believed that Schwann hates him entirely, but there's always been a general understanding that there's something there that Alexei isn't allowed near. He's always known that, and he's always understood why; it's just one of many things that they don't talk about.
So to say this is unexpected is an understatement; it's not an unpleasant thought, it's just unfamiliar, something that he'll work through on his own time.]
Either way, of course I'm willing to stay. I want to.
no subject
[It's easy to blame things on the alcohol.
But that excuse doesn't work so well when he has to factor Alexei into the equation. Why Alexei? He ponders it over in a few moments of silence.]
I find it difficult to put into words, in this moment. Admittedly my thought process is a little lacking right now. [He literally can't help but blame the alcohol for that.] But somewhere along the way, in those ten years...maybe I didn't see my loyalty to you as simply an obligation.
[As for when he lost it again, he can't really say. But it obviously wasn't gone for good, if tonight has taught him anything.]
no subject
[His tone is odd when he says it, the sort of thing that implies he really, really doesn't see; just the same, perhaps it's best to let it be. Pressing won't accomplish anything, and as of tomorrow it will be as though none of this ever happened; looking into it too deeply seems a bit of a pointless endeavor, and the whole thing is really best left alone, he's fairly sure.]
Well, I suppose I should be thankful that you told me. Even if I did give you a hard time for it.