![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[For what it's worth, Alexei doesn't seem to want to disengage any more than Schwann does, not really; he seems content to let him stay there for as long as he wants, continuing to play with his hair loosely for the time being.
He lets his eyes slide closed; he isn't sure what to make of all of this now that it's something they aren't currently in the middle of. Was it nice? Probably.
It's strange to him to admit that much to another person, though.]
If that's what you would like to consider it.
He lets his eyes slide closed; he isn't sure what to make of all of this now that it's something they aren't currently in the middle of. Was it nice? Probably.
It's strange to him to admit that much to another person, though.]
If that's what you would like to consider it.
[Schwann's doing something similar, relaxing himself while Alexei continues playing with his hair. It's weirdly soothing- enough to make his drowsiness from earlier begin its return.]
It sounded like the most appropriate way to phrase it in my head.
[It wasn't the kind of service he should have been giving, but there's no going back now. The Council would have their heads if they found out about this. Good thing they never will. A perfect way to stick it to them.]
It sounded like the most appropriate way to phrase it in my head.
[It wasn't the kind of service he should have been giving, but there's no going back now. The Council would have their heads if they found out about this. Good thing they never will. A perfect way to stick it to them.]
[The Council can, with all due respect, go fuck themselves; for as much as Alexei preoccupies himself with what could be considered scandal and what couldn't - things such as acting out while drinking and seeming too friendly with the Guilds are completely unthinkable - his concerns with the Council have been surprisingly absent for the current duration. They'll come back later tonight, and come morning he'll be infinitely more distant and back to the usual refusal to engage in any meaningful way, but for now... For now he's willing to keep up that same soothing contact, even if he isn't entirely sure why.
He isn't normally a gentle person; he tends to play rough with his tools. What had happened at Baction had been more than enough proof of that. It would be a lie, he thinks, to try to assert that this is anything he'd wanted from the start - that there had always been some desire for this out of everything.
But it would be likewise untrue to claim that he doesn't want it now. He can deal with that later.]
Well, I certainly don't mind.
He isn't normally a gentle person; he tends to play rough with his tools. What had happened at Baction had been more than enough proof of that. It would be a lie, he thinks, to try to assert that this is anything he'd wanted from the start - that there had always been some desire for this out of everything.
But it would be likewise untrue to claim that he doesn't want it now. He can deal with that later.]
Well, I certainly don't mind.
[The reason he's here is utterly different than the reason he was here last week; he's glad to have some distance from it, to be able to reset himself mentally to the way things were before the...all of that. He's here tonight to check on Schwann - to make sure that everything is as it should be, that's all; anything beyond that is categorically well beyond him and his desire to put much thought into things.
The knock is direct; as usual it's unhesitating without being a demand.]
The knock is direct; as usual it's unhesitating without being a demand.]
[Given what they'd been through today, Schwann's only expecting this to be a serious discussion anyway.
So when he hears Alxei's telltale knock, he's quick to answer.]
Sir.
[...and just as quick to make way for Alexei to enter.]
So when he hears Alxei's telltale knock, he's quick to answer.]
Sir.
[...and just as quick to make way for Alexei to enter.]
[Okay... Schwann's not sure what to do with himself now, so he awkwardly stands nearby.]
I could be doing better.
[He won't make a big deal out of Alexei checking in on him again, but the appreciation is still very much there.]
Seeing Norton's body was...difficult. [Yeah, difficult's a good word, so he repeats it.] And what Rika revealed about her circumstances is something I don't think I can even begin to process.
I could be doing better.
[He won't make a big deal out of Alexei checking in on him again, but the appreciation is still very much there.]
Seeing Norton's body was...difficult. [Yeah, difficult's a good word, so he repeats it.] And what Rika revealed about her circumstances is something I don't think I can even begin to process.
[...This is so goddamn awkward all around.]
I understand.
[Particularly as regards Norton; he didn't see it in person, but frankly he's another one that wouldn't have responded well to dismembered bodies on the beach.]
Would you prefer being left on your own tonight, then?
I understand.
[Particularly as regards Norton; he didn't see it in person, but frankly he's another one that wouldn't have responded well to dismembered bodies on the beach.]
Would you prefer being left on your own tonight, then?
[Just another day of Alexei and Schwann navigating difficult subjects that involve emotions.]
...If I'm honest, I would appreciate your company. This probably isn't a good night for being alone with my thoughts.
[If Alexei hadn't come to check on him, he probably would've ended up at his door at some point anyway.]
...If I'm honest, I would appreciate your company. This probably isn't a good night for being alone with my thoughts.
[If Alexei hadn't come to check on him, he probably would've ended up at his door at some point anyway.]
[It's clear from the brief flicker in his expression that he wasn't quite expecting that; he settles easily enough, however.]
Very well, then.
[...It's then that he'll actually seem to realize that he should probably take the damn chair and not just hover near the door.]
I would be lying if I said I hadn't had nights like that myself, in this place.
Very well, then.
[...It's then that he'll actually seem to realize that he should probably take the damn chair and not just hover near the door.]
I would be lying if I said I hadn't had nights like that myself, in this place.
[Oh good, they can not awkwardly stand around now!! Schwann joins Alexei, sitting on his bed across from him.]
Yeah, it's...definitely not the first time.
[Briefest of flashbacks to that night at the sparring grounds...]
But I didn't want to just go to the bar again, not after last week. Even I know how unproductive all of that was.
[Pointedly not even making a reference to That Night though.]
Yeah, it's...definitely not the first time.
[Briefest of flashbacks to that night at the sparring grounds...]
But I didn't want to just go to the bar again, not after last week. Even I know how unproductive all of that was.
[Pointedly not even making a reference to That Night though.]
I can't say I would blame you on particularly difficult nights, to be honest, even if I maintain that it's best to keep away from it for the time being. I know just waiting for nights like these to pass is never ideal, but...
[...Yeah.]
I'll stay for however long you require it.
[...Yeah.]
I'll stay for however long you require it.
[Schwann nods at the first part, as if saying "...yeah" as well.]
It's appreciated. [...] Is there anything that you'd like to discuss while you're here?
[So he's not just keeping Alexei in his room with nothing to do but offer company...]
It's appreciated. [...] Is there anything that you'd like to discuss while you're here?
[So he's not just keeping Alexei in his room with nothing to do but offer company...]
[The Council deserves full disrespect, to be honest.
Some time passes as they continue in silence, before Schwann speaks up again.]
Is asking you to stay here tonight worth a reprimand?
[He asks, knowing full well that it absolutely is and yet not being able to get the thought out of his head. He also knows full well that the moment Alexei leaves through that door, this will have never happened. It's his only opportunity to ask, so he's going to take it.
But he's quick to add:]
Not to do anything, just...
[The room has one bed. But it's a big one.]
Some time passes as they continue in silence, before Schwann speaks up again.]
Is asking you to stay here tonight worth a reprimand?
[He asks, knowing full well that it absolutely is and yet not being able to get the thought out of his head. He also knows full well that the moment Alexei leaves through that door, this will have never happened. It's his only opportunity to ask, so he's going to take it.
But he's quick to add:]
Not to do anything, just...
[The room has one bed. But it's a big one.]
[Alexei doesn't go down to the dungeons often; he's been here once since he got here, solely to see what was down in this area, and he hasn't been back since.
It should bother him, that he's coming down for this. But he's had some time for himself, time enough to get whatever feelings he may be having under control, time enough to hate himself and let the hatred just freeze everything over, the way it always does.
He isn't sure if it's harder for him to do that nowadays or not. He thinks it might be; he thinks that's a bad sign. Loss of control like that is nothing but a weakness to be exploited; it gets people killed.
If he had done better - if he'd been enough for once in his godforsaken life - then maybe he would be down here instead.
But for now he makes his way down, and he pauses a bit before entering the corridor, before finding the person he's looking for in whichever of these cells he may happen to be.]
Schwann.
[It's cold, blunted. He hates this already.]
It should bother him, that he's coming down for this. But he's had some time for himself, time enough to get whatever feelings he may be having under control, time enough to hate himself and let the hatred just freeze everything over, the way it always does.
He isn't sure if it's harder for him to do that nowadays or not. He thinks it might be; he thinks that's a bad sign. Loss of control like that is nothing but a weakness to be exploited; it gets people killed.
If he had done better - if he'd been enough for once in his godforsaken life - then maybe he would be down here instead.
But for now he makes his way down, and he pauses a bit before entering the corridor, before finding the person he's looking for in whichever of these cells he may happen to be.]
Schwann.
[It's cold, blunted. He hates this already.]
[The last time this scenario played out, Alexei was the one freeing him from his cell. It has a very different feeling this time around.
Schwann is laying down on the bench when he hears someone approach. He slowly but surely lifts himself up by the time Alexei arrives.
...
And when he does, he slowly gets onto his knees.]
I am ready to accept the punishment for my failure.
[It doesn't feel right to start with anything else but that.]
Schwann is laying down on the bench when he hears someone approach. He slowly but surely lifts himself up by the time Alexei arrives.
...
And when he does, he slowly gets onto his knees.]
I am ready to accept the punishment for my failure.
[It doesn't feel right to start with anything else but that.]
[He flinches at the sharpness, but doesn't move from his position. He grips tightly at his pants as he keeps his head bowed.]
I was supposed to walk away from this, not be in here. I- I shouldn't have let Tenn examine me. If I hadn't, maybe the votes wouldn't have been as close.
[But the only thing that he could think at the time were those words ringing in his ears. The things that Alexei shouted at Makoto.
In that moment, he couldn't stand the thought of Alexei going out over him, even if his dream would still be achieved in the end.]
I was supposed to walk away from this, not be in here. I- I shouldn't have let Tenn examine me. If I hadn't, maybe the votes wouldn't have been as close.
[But the only thing that he could think at the time were those words ringing in his ears. The things that Alexei shouted at Makoto.
In that moment, he couldn't stand the thought of Alexei going out over him, even if his dream would still be achieved in the end.]
You shouldn't have. And yet knowing all of that, you did anyway. It's unlike you to be careless, much less deliberately so.
[And that's part of what's been bothering him, the knowledge that Schwann knew what his orders were, he knew that failure would be unacceptable. And yet...]
You knew what would happen if you allowed that. Why did you?
[And that's part of what's been bothering him, the knowledge that Schwann knew what his orders were, he knew that failure would be unacceptable. And yet...]
You knew what would happen if you allowed that. Why did you?
[Schwann is quiet for a moment, trying to get a handle on his emotions that he shouldn't be having. He's failing miserably, and his blastia acting up isn't helping any.]
I... [He reaches up to clutch at his chest.] I didn't think everyone's attention would turn to you as hard as it did. They were pushing you so hard, I couldn't...
[...]
More than anything, I didn't want to hear Hamelin read out your name.
[And even then, it happened anyway. If Hamelin hadn't counted the abstained votes, he...by a single vote.]
I... [He reaches up to clutch at his chest.] I didn't think everyone's attention would turn to you as hard as it did. They were pushing you so hard, I couldn't...
[...]
More than anything, I didn't want to hear Hamelin read out your name.
[And even then, it happened anyway. If Hamelin hadn't counted the abstained votes, he...by a single vote.]
[There's something in that that strikes him hard, and it strikes him badly, and he isn't sure what he should do in response to it; it drives up something deep within his chest, and for some reason there's anger in it but he's fairly sure that isn't the reaction he actually wants to have.
It was a mistake coming here.
That's the first and most prevalent thought he has with regards to all of this, that it was a mistake to come here and he really should just leave, because tools are worthless if they can't do the basic tasks that they were created to do; he has nothing more to do here, nothing else that he wants to say - but that isn't true, is it. It's not that he has nothing more to say but rather that he has no way to say it, and he's sort of staring by this point but bluntly put, he can't bring himself to care.]
It's as I said. I...knew what was going to happen. I was at peace with it.
[The words are strangely blank, as though he's not sure what he should be doing with himself.]
It was a mistake coming here.
That's the first and most prevalent thought he has with regards to all of this, that it was a mistake to come here and he really should just leave, because tools are worthless if they can't do the basic tasks that they were created to do; he has nothing more to do here, nothing else that he wants to say - but that isn't true, is it. It's not that he has nothing more to say but rather that he has no way to say it, and he's sort of staring by this point but bluntly put, he can't bring himself to care.]
It's as I said. I...knew what was going to happen. I was at peace with it.
[The words are strangely blank, as though he's not sure what he should be doing with himself.]
[Schwann exhales slowly.]
I know. I just... [He cuts himself off for a second to restart. No excuses.] I wasn't supposed to bring my feelings into this. Dolls aren't supposed to have feelings.
I was weak and selfish, and I failed you because of it.
[Alexei's dream would finally be secured if it wasn't for him bringing emotions into this. He's such a worthless excuse for a tool.]
I know. I just... [He cuts himself off for a second to restart. No excuses.] I wasn't supposed to bring my feelings into this. Dolls aren't supposed to have feelings.
I was weak and selfish, and I failed you because of it.
[Alexei's dream would finally be secured if it wasn't for him bringing emotions into this. He's such a worthless excuse for a tool.]
Page 4 of 7