[For what it's worth, Alexei doesn't seem to want to disengage any more than Schwann does, not really; he seems content to let him stay there for as long as he wants, continuing to play with his hair loosely for the time being.
He lets his eyes slide closed; he isn't sure what to make of all of this now that it's something they aren't currently in the middle of. Was it nice? Probably.
It's strange to him to admit that much to another person, though.]
[Schwann's doing something similar, relaxing himself while Alexei continues playing with his hair. It's weirdly soothing- enough to make his drowsiness from earlier begin its return.]
It sounded like the most appropriate way to phrase it in my head.
[It wasn't the kind of service he should have been giving, but there's no going back now. The Council would have their heads if they found out about this. Good thing they never will. A perfect way to stick it to them.]
[The Council can, with all due respect, go fuck themselves; for as much as Alexei preoccupies himself with what could be considered scandal and what couldn't - things such as acting out while drinking and seeming too friendly with the Guilds are completely unthinkable - his concerns with the Council have been surprisingly absent for the current duration. They'll come back later tonight, and come morning he'll be infinitely more distant and back to the usual refusal to engage in any meaningful way, but for now... For now he's willing to keep up that same soothing contact, even if he isn't entirely sure why.
He isn't normally a gentle person; he tends to play rough with his tools. What had happened at Baction had been more than enough proof of that. It would be a lie, he thinks, to try to assert that this is anything he'd wanted from the start - that there had always been some desire for this out of everything.
But it would be likewise untrue to claim that he doesn't want it now. He can deal with that later.]
[The Council deserves full disrespect, to be honest.
Some time passes as they continue in silence, before Schwann speaks up again.]
Is asking you to stay here tonight worth a reprimand?
[He asks, knowing full well that it absolutely is and yet not being able to get the thought out of his head. He also knows full well that the moment Alexei leaves through that door, this will have never happened. It's his only opportunity to ask, so he's going to take it.
[He didn't mean to say that aloud, but it escapes him in his surprise. He really just asked Alexei Dinoia, Commandant of the Imperial Knights and the most complicated person in his life, to spend the night with him. And he didn't receive a reprimand.
Schwann is going to hate himself so much in the morning.
Tonight, however... Wow.]
I- I mean... Would you like to, then? I'll make it very comfortable.
[It's a good "wow"! And also a very surprised "wow". And...yes, a really drunk "wow".]
You know...that does have a much better ring to it than "I don't hate it".
[He slowly lifts himself up off of Alexei so they're both free to take this to the bed. It doesn't take him long at all to get it ready for the two of them from there.]
Did you need anything before...?
[Quiet motioning toward the bed... He has no idea how to not do this awkwardly. Even while drunk, it's kind of intimidating to prepare for Alexei of all people to enter your bed?!]
[He's just kind of watching this entire process; it's difficult to tell whether he's actually judging any of this or if that's just the expression his face has decided to settle into. It occurs to him, vaguely, that Schwann seems almost nervous about this; at the very least it's awkward, and while Alexei did not drink nearly as much as pretty much everyone else in that bar did tonight he's still got just enough in him to find this sort of endearing.]
[Oh no, he got called out on it! That just does wonders for making the flushing in his cheeks a little more prominent, and so he tries to look away toward the bed.]
I assure you I'm not doing this on purpose.
[Yes, yes he is very aware, but it's Alexei and-- Well, he was fine earlier once they'd gotten going with their makeout session. He'll probably be fine once they're in bed.]
Here, the bed is ready. Take whatever side you'd like.
[Fortunately enough for everyone here, Alexei is not overly picky about bed designations? He has preferences, as anyone does, but he can sleep pretty much wherever. So he'll just pick a side for now, and make his way over there, and...admittedly he's also going to fuss with the bedcovers for a moment before even sitting down on the damn bed because it seems to occur to him, incredibly belatedly, that he should find this awkward.
But eventually he'll settle, and this whole thing is...strange. Again, it's not really the sort of thing that it even really occurs to him to want to do with anyone else; granted, until it had been proposed he hadn't ever thought about wanting to do this with Schwann, either, but now that they've decided to...
...Well. He sort of wonders if they'll keep to the general sentiment of not doing anything.]
[Thank the goddess, now Schwann doesn't have to feel weird for being the only awkward one here. However, once he's kicked his shoes and shrugged his jacket off, the nerves begin to die down a little too. He joins Alexei on the open side of the bed, crawling under the covers and patting on Alexei's pillow for him to lie down too.
He's done this plenty of times with women, but the emotions and feelings were always at an arm's length. Here and now, though...whether it's the alcohol, Hamelin's song, something else entirely or all of the above, it's incredibly difficult to hold those things back.]
[The boots tend to be a production with regards to dealing with them, and he's content for now to take a moment, to let Schwann settle first before joining him under the covers; this is another thing that he'd obviously never done - one night stands weren't ever anything he'd been interested in, and committed relationships were out of the question for varying reasons, and overall he'd just...never had a reason to engage in anything like this.
He doesn't hate it, though. He's sort of back to using that as a metric, but he doesn't hate it, and it isn't uncomfortable and while it sort of brings with it a sense of "now what" even that isn't something he dislikes.]
...Thank you. For tonight.
[This has been...undeniably a weird experience, but he's allowing himself to decide that he likes it.]
[The "now what", for the time being, is Schwann snuggling up to Alexei as soon as he gets himself situated under the covers. He figures that Alexei hasn't done this before, so he may as well assist him in testing the waters. See what he thinks of a warm body up against him while in bed.]
It sure wasn't how I expected tonight to go, but it really has been nice, hasn't it?
[Not long ago, he would've been pretty horrified by the idea of spending the night with Alexei. But now he's gone from not hating to actually...liking it quite a lot.]
I'm glad I could make this an enjoyable first experience for you.
[This whole thing would have been horrific on various levels, really; Schwann pressing up against him like that is perhaps surprisingly nice, and it's easy enough for him to settle into holding him close, and... This is going to be deeply awkward in the morning, he can tell already, but that seems like a problem they can handle then.
He'll let one of his hands shift back into what he was doing before, playing with Schwann's hair gently.]
...It's as I said. I don't imagine we'll have any chance to do this outside of this place.
[Schwann breathes out a contented sigh now that he's nice and comfortable in Alexei's arms and the hair-playing has returned. Though he starts out resting his head in the crook of Alexei's arm, he occasionaly shifts to lazily plant a kiss on Alexei's jaw.]
Mmmm.
[That's apparently his very eloquent way of agreeing. Raven will definitely regret it in the morning, but hey, maybe he'll be too concerned with the monumental hangover he'll likely be dealing with to process the fact that he slept with Alexei.]
Shame this is it, though... You're a lot more comfortable than I thought you'd be.
[He was expecting a lot more rigidity than he's gotten. Sure, things were stiff in an awkward sort of way at first, but Alexei's...surprisingly gentle with this...?]
Trust me, sir, I don't think you could be more surprising than this.
[Alexei is, well, Alexei! As rigid and no-nonsense as they come, who Schwann has figured has no time or desire for intimacy. That's potentially still true, and yet...
Yeah. It really is a shame that this is the only time he'll get to see this more tender side of Alexei. He rather likes it.]
The before and afters have been more awkward than the actual process, which is funny to think about... I guess both of us really wanted this, deep down. It feels that natural.
[More uncomfortable implications to unpack later.]
[That's... It's not really something he knows what to do with, though for the time being he just keeps playing with Schwann's hair a bit while he considers.]
It's never been something I had considered too deeply, I suppose. Not with you, but not with anyone else, either.
I'm still not entirely certain what I think of it. But then, I've also decided that I can concern myself with that afterwards.
[It's difficult for him to shut that part of his brain off, always concerned with about eighty other things every time an action is taken. But for now he's content to just let this be, because it's something that he's allowing himself to have just for its own sake.]
[Schwann nods a little as he does his best to take in what Alexei's saying through his clouded mind.]
I understand that more than you might think. Despite how Raven is, he's never allowed himself to get this close to anyone.
[Physically, maybe. But his emotions have never been part of the equation. Any attempts at actual romance have been gently turned down. He's never been able to put his metaphorical heart into it.
That's what is going to make this so strange to process in the morning.]
It's nice, though. To not think too deeply about it for once. I'm...glad you were willing to make it last by staying with me.
...I admit that it had never occurred to me that you might want something like this to begin with.
[Certainly not with him, at any rate; he's never believed that Schwann hates him entirely, but there's always been a general understanding that there's something there that Alexei isn't allowed near. He's always known that, and he's always understood why; it's just one of many things that they don't talk about.
So to say this is unexpected is an understatement; it's not an unpleasant thought, it's just unfamiliar, something that he'll work through on his own time.]
Either way, of course I'm willing to stay. I want to.
I honestly didn't think I did. Given my circumstances, I suppose...I didn't see much point in it. [Why would a doll unfit to make its own decisions deserve to pursue romance? Who would ever want to be with what amounts to an empty shell?] But something about this week just got me thinking. Maybe it's all the alcohol.
[It's easy to blame things on the alcohol.
But that excuse doesn't work so well when he has to factor Alexei into the equation. Why Alexei? He ponders it over in a few moments of silence.]
I find it difficult to put into words, in this moment. Admittedly my thought process is a little lacking right now. [He literally can't help but blame the alcohol for that.] But somewhere along the way, in those ten years...maybe I didn't see my loyalty to you as simply an obligation.
[As for when he lost it again, he can't really say. But it obviously wasn't gone for good, if tonight has taught him anything.]
[His tone is odd when he says it, the sort of thing that implies he really, really doesn't see; just the same, perhaps it's best to let it be. Pressing won't accomplish anything, and as of tomorrow it will be as though none of this ever happened; looking into it too deeply seems a bit of a pointless endeavor, and the whole thing is really best left alone, he's fairly sure.]
Well, I suppose I should be thankful that you told me. Even if I did give you a hard time for it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He lets his eyes slide closed; he isn't sure what to make of all of this now that it's something they aren't currently in the middle of. Was it nice? Probably.
It's strange to him to admit that much to another person, though.]
If that's what you would like to consider it.
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It sounded like the most appropriate way to phrase it in my head.
[It wasn't the kind of service he should have been giving, but there's no going back now. The Council would have their heads if they found out about this. Good thing they never will. A perfect way to stick it to them.]
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He isn't normally a gentle person; he tends to play rough with his tools. What had happened at Baction had been more than enough proof of that. It would be a lie, he thinks, to try to assert that this is anything he'd wanted from the start - that there had always been some desire for this out of everything.
But it would be likewise untrue to claim that he doesn't want it now. He can deal with that later.]
Well, I certainly don't mind.
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Some time passes as they continue in silence, before Schwann speaks up again.]
Is asking you to stay here tonight worth a reprimand?
[He asks, knowing full well that it absolutely is and yet not being able to get the thought out of his head. He also knows full well that the moment Alexei leaves through that door, this will have never happened. It's his only opportunity to ask, so he's going to take it.
But he's quick to add:]
Not to do anything, just...
[The room has one bed. But it's a big one.]
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[He says, knowing full well that it absolutely is and yet not really able to bring himself to give a damn, regarding that.]
Fortunately, I'm not interested in issuing one.
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[He didn't mean to say that aloud, but it escapes him in his surprise. He really just asked Alexei Dinoia, Commandant of the Imperial Knights and the most complicated person in his life, to spend the night with him. And he didn't receive a reprimand.
Schwann is going to hate himself so much in the morning.
Tonight, however... Wow.]
I- I mean... Would you like to, then? I'll make it very comfortable.
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As it stands, this is all very...
...
You know what, "wow" may be an accurate assessment, albeit a really drunk one.]
I...would like that, yes.
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You know...that does have a much better ring to it than "I don't hate it".
[He slowly lifts himself up off of Alexei so they're both free to take this to the bed. It doesn't take him long at all to get it ready for the two of them from there.]
Did you need anything before...?
[Quiet motioning toward the bed... He has no idea how to not do this awkwardly. Even while drunk, it's kind of intimidating to prepare for Alexei of all people to enter your bed?!]
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[He's just kind of watching this entire process; it's difficult to tell whether he's actually judging any of this or if that's just the expression his face has decided to settle into. It occurs to him, vaguely, that Schwann seems almost nervous about this; at the very least it's awkward, and while Alexei did not drink nearly as much as pretty much everyone else in that bar did tonight he's still got just enough in him to find this sort of endearing.]
...I'm sure you're aware you can relax?
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I assure you I'm not doing this on purpose.
[Yes, yes he is very aware, but it's Alexei and-- Well, he was fine earlier once they'd gotten going with their makeout session. He'll probably be fine once they're in bed.]
Here, the bed is ready. Take whatever side you'd like.
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But eventually he'll settle, and this whole thing is...strange. Again, it's not really the sort of thing that it even really occurs to him to want to do with anyone else; granted, until it had been proposed he hadn't ever thought about wanting to do this with Schwann, either, but now that they've decided to...
...Well. He sort of wonders if they'll keep to the general sentiment of not doing anything.]
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He's done this plenty of times with women, but the emotions and feelings were always at an arm's length. Here and now, though...whether it's the alcohol, Hamelin's song, something else entirely or all of the above, it's incredibly difficult to hold those things back.]
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He doesn't hate it, though. He's sort of back to using that as a metric, but he doesn't hate it, and it isn't uncomfortable and while it sort of brings with it a sense of "now what" even that isn't something he dislikes.]
...Thank you. For tonight.
[This has been...undeniably a weird experience, but he's allowing himself to decide that he likes it.]
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It sure wasn't how I expected tonight to go, but it really has been nice, hasn't it?
[Not long ago, he would've been pretty horrified by the idea of spending the night with Alexei. But now he's gone from not hating to actually...liking it quite a lot.]
I'm glad I could make this an enjoyable first experience for you.
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He'll let one of his hands shift back into what he was doing before, playing with Schwann's hair gently.]
...It's as I said. I don't imagine we'll have any chance to do this outside of this place.
[There are so many reasons for that.]
I certainly don't regret having done it.
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Mmmm.
[That's apparently his very eloquent way of agreeing. Raven will definitely regret it in the morning, but hey, maybe he'll be too concerned with the monumental hangover he'll likely be dealing with to process the fact that he slept with Alexei.]
Shame this is it, though... You're a lot more comfortable than I thought you'd be.
[He was expecting a lot more rigidity than he's gotten. Sure, things were stiff in an awkward sort of way at first, but Alexei's...surprisingly gentle with this...?]
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Am I...?
[It's said with a sort of indifference that implies the answer doesn't entirely matter.]
I suppose I have to be surprising in some regards; I was expecting this to be more awkward than I've found it.
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[Alexei is, well, Alexei! As rigid and no-nonsense as they come, who Schwann has figured has no time or desire for intimacy. That's potentially still true, and yet...
Yeah. It really is a shame that this is the only time he'll get to see this more tender side of Alexei. He rather likes it.]
The before and afters have been more awkward than the actual process, which is funny to think about... I guess both of us really wanted this, deep down. It feels that natural.
[More uncomfortable implications to unpack later.]
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It's never been something I had considered too deeply, I suppose. Not with you, but not with anyone else, either.
I'm still not entirely certain what I think of it. But then, I've also decided that I can concern myself with that afterwards.
[It's difficult for him to shut that part of his brain off, always concerned with about eighty other things every time an action is taken. But for now he's content to just let this be, because it's something that he's allowing himself to have just for its own sake.]
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I understand that more than you might think. Despite how Raven is, he's never allowed himself to get this close to anyone.
[Physically, maybe. But his emotions have never been part of the equation. Any attempts at actual romance have been gently turned down. He's never been able to put his metaphorical heart into it.
That's what is going to make this so strange to process in the morning.]
It's nice, though. To not think too deeply about it for once. I'm...glad you were willing to make it last by staying with me.
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[Certainly not with him, at any rate; he's never believed that Schwann hates him entirely, but there's always been a general understanding that there's something there that Alexei isn't allowed near. He's always known that, and he's always understood why; it's just one of many things that they don't talk about.
So to say this is unexpected is an understatement; it's not an unpleasant thought, it's just unfamiliar, something that he'll work through on his own time.]
Either way, of course I'm willing to stay. I want to.
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[It's easy to blame things on the alcohol.
But that excuse doesn't work so well when he has to factor Alexei into the equation. Why Alexei? He ponders it over in a few moments of silence.]
I find it difficult to put into words, in this moment. Admittedly my thought process is a little lacking right now. [He literally can't help but blame the alcohol for that.] But somewhere along the way, in those ten years...maybe I didn't see my loyalty to you as simply an obligation.
[As for when he lost it again, he can't really say. But it obviously wasn't gone for good, if tonight has taught him anything.]
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[His tone is odd when he says it, the sort of thing that implies he really, really doesn't see; just the same, perhaps it's best to let it be. Pressing won't accomplish anything, and as of tomorrow it will be as though none of this ever happened; looking into it too deeply seems a bit of a pointless endeavor, and the whole thing is really best left alone, he's fairly sure.]
Well, I suppose I should be thankful that you told me. Even if I did give you a hard time for it.