[Schwann breathes out a contented sigh now that he's nice and comfortable in Alexei's arms and the hair-playing has returned. Though he starts out resting his head in the crook of Alexei's arm, he occasionaly shifts to lazily plant a kiss on Alexei's jaw.]
Mmmm.
[That's apparently his very eloquent way of agreeing. Raven will definitely regret it in the morning, but hey, maybe he'll be too concerned with the monumental hangover he'll likely be dealing with to process the fact that he slept with Alexei.]
Shame this is it, though... You're a lot more comfortable than I thought you'd be.
[He was expecting a lot more rigidity than he's gotten. Sure, things were stiff in an awkward sort of way at first, but Alexei's...surprisingly gentle with this...?]
Trust me, sir, I don't think you could be more surprising than this.
[Alexei is, well, Alexei! As rigid and no-nonsense as they come, who Schwann has figured has no time or desire for intimacy. That's potentially still true, and yet...
Yeah. It really is a shame that this is the only time he'll get to see this more tender side of Alexei. He rather likes it.]
The before and afters have been more awkward than the actual process, which is funny to think about... I guess both of us really wanted this, deep down. It feels that natural.
[More uncomfortable implications to unpack later.]
[That's... It's not really something he knows what to do with, though for the time being he just keeps playing with Schwann's hair a bit while he considers.]
It's never been something I had considered too deeply, I suppose. Not with you, but not with anyone else, either.
I'm still not entirely certain what I think of it. But then, I've also decided that I can concern myself with that afterwards.
[It's difficult for him to shut that part of his brain off, always concerned with about eighty other things every time an action is taken. But for now he's content to just let this be, because it's something that he's allowing himself to have just for its own sake.]
[Schwann nods a little as he does his best to take in what Alexei's saying through his clouded mind.]
I understand that more than you might think. Despite how Raven is, he's never allowed himself to get this close to anyone.
[Physically, maybe. But his emotions have never been part of the equation. Any attempts at actual romance have been gently turned down. He's never been able to put his metaphorical heart into it.
That's what is going to make this so strange to process in the morning.]
It's nice, though. To not think too deeply about it for once. I'm...glad you were willing to make it last by staying with me.
...I admit that it had never occurred to me that you might want something like this to begin with.
[Certainly not with him, at any rate; he's never believed that Schwann hates him entirely, but there's always been a general understanding that there's something there that Alexei isn't allowed near. He's always known that, and he's always understood why; it's just one of many things that they don't talk about.
So to say this is unexpected is an understatement; it's not an unpleasant thought, it's just unfamiliar, something that he'll work through on his own time.]
Either way, of course I'm willing to stay. I want to.
I honestly didn't think I did. Given my circumstances, I suppose...I didn't see much point in it. [Why would a doll unfit to make its own decisions deserve to pursue romance? Who would ever want to be with what amounts to an empty shell?] But something about this week just got me thinking. Maybe it's all the alcohol.
[It's easy to blame things on the alcohol.
But that excuse doesn't work so well when he has to factor Alexei into the equation. Why Alexei? He ponders it over in a few moments of silence.]
I find it difficult to put into words, in this moment. Admittedly my thought process is a little lacking right now. [He literally can't help but blame the alcohol for that.] But somewhere along the way, in those ten years...maybe I didn't see my loyalty to you as simply an obligation.
[As for when he lost it again, he can't really say. But it obviously wasn't gone for good, if tonight has taught him anything.]
[His tone is odd when he says it, the sort of thing that implies he really, really doesn't see; just the same, perhaps it's best to let it be. Pressing won't accomplish anything, and as of tomorrow it will be as though none of this ever happened; looking into it too deeply seems a bit of a pointless endeavor, and the whole thing is really best left alone, he's fairly sure.]
Well, I suppose I should be thankful that you told me. Even if I did give you a hard time for it.
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no subject
Mmmm.
[That's apparently his very eloquent way of agreeing. Raven will definitely regret it in the morning, but hey, maybe he'll be too concerned with the monumental hangover he'll likely be dealing with to process the fact that he slept with Alexei.]
Shame this is it, though... You're a lot more comfortable than I thought you'd be.
[He was expecting a lot more rigidity than he's gotten. Sure, things were stiff in an awkward sort of way at first, but Alexei's...surprisingly gentle with this...?]
no subject
Am I...?
[It's said with a sort of indifference that implies the answer doesn't entirely matter.]
I suppose I have to be surprising in some regards; I was expecting this to be more awkward than I've found it.
no subject
[Alexei is, well, Alexei! As rigid and no-nonsense as they come, who Schwann has figured has no time or desire for intimacy. That's potentially still true, and yet...
Yeah. It really is a shame that this is the only time he'll get to see this more tender side of Alexei. He rather likes it.]
The before and afters have been more awkward than the actual process, which is funny to think about... I guess both of us really wanted this, deep down. It feels that natural.
[More uncomfortable implications to unpack later.]
no subject
It's never been something I had considered too deeply, I suppose. Not with you, but not with anyone else, either.
I'm still not entirely certain what I think of it. But then, I've also decided that I can concern myself with that afterwards.
[It's difficult for him to shut that part of his brain off, always concerned with about eighty other things every time an action is taken. But for now he's content to just let this be, because it's something that he's allowing himself to have just for its own sake.]
no subject
I understand that more than you might think. Despite how Raven is, he's never allowed himself to get this close to anyone.
[Physically, maybe. But his emotions have never been part of the equation. Any attempts at actual romance have been gently turned down. He's never been able to put his metaphorical heart into it.
That's what is going to make this so strange to process in the morning.]
It's nice, though. To not think too deeply about it for once. I'm...glad you were willing to make it last by staying with me.
no subject
[Certainly not with him, at any rate; he's never believed that Schwann hates him entirely, but there's always been a general understanding that there's something there that Alexei isn't allowed near. He's always known that, and he's always understood why; it's just one of many things that they don't talk about.
So to say this is unexpected is an understatement; it's not an unpleasant thought, it's just unfamiliar, something that he'll work through on his own time.]
Either way, of course I'm willing to stay. I want to.
no subject
[It's easy to blame things on the alcohol.
But that excuse doesn't work so well when he has to factor Alexei into the equation. Why Alexei? He ponders it over in a few moments of silence.]
I find it difficult to put into words, in this moment. Admittedly my thought process is a little lacking right now. [He literally can't help but blame the alcohol for that.] But somewhere along the way, in those ten years...maybe I didn't see my loyalty to you as simply an obligation.
[As for when he lost it again, he can't really say. But it obviously wasn't gone for good, if tonight has taught him anything.]
no subject
[His tone is odd when he says it, the sort of thing that implies he really, really doesn't see; just the same, perhaps it's best to let it be. Pressing won't accomplish anything, and as of tomorrow it will be as though none of this ever happened; looking into it too deeply seems a bit of a pointless endeavor, and the whole thing is really best left alone, he's fairly sure.]
Well, I suppose I should be thankful that you told me. Even if I did give you a hard time for it.