ideismo: (Default)

[personal profile] ideismo 2021-06-22 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
[There are reasons why the Empire has rules against fraternization between superiors and their subordinates; there are several, in fact, and Alexei is certain that they're very good reasons, and fortunately for everyone he can't remember any of them at this exact point in time.

It leads to the entire thing feeling off somehow, wrong for the sake of some vague notion that he can't bring himself to care about; right now he's just focused on what they're doing, and to a lesser extent on the idea that if he hadn't told Schwann to do this in the first place he would have simply left without doing it because whatever common sense he has left would have won out, and he isn't altogether sure if that would have been for the better but that hardly matters now, does it. Right now they're doing this and Schwann is kissing him and if this had happened a while earlier Suga wouldn't have looked at him like that, maybe. It's...not particularly mind-blowing, if he's honest; nothing against Schwann, granted, he's sure he's good enough at this, it's just an odd thing for a first experience and it's...

...He doesn't hate it? He absolutely doesn't hate it and the idea of doing this with most people is kind of repulsive. If the experience is going to be weird either way, that at least seems like a point in the weird thing's favor.

When he pulls Schwann closer against him it's a firm enough gesture, though not so much so that it can't be broken off if anyone really wanted to. This is...good, he decides, in that way he has of overthinking literally everything; he has no experience with this sort of thing but they both went into this knowing that, and fortunately enough kissing is hardly brain surgery and he learns quickly enough.]
ideismo: (17. Among the thoughts and tears)

[personal profile] ideismo 2021-06-22 04:20 am (UTC)(link)
[When he breathes in it's deep and slow, as though he's trying to regain his bearings after a decent period of not quite being there; the kiss being deepened like that hadn't been anything he'd felt inclined to stop, though now that it's passed it's...taking him a moment.

Does he want to continue? There isn't much of a question, as far as he's concerned.

He nods a bit, the gesture tight.]


You may.

[So at the very least, it's confirmation that he is interested - that this is something that he wants, something he's taking some degree of pleasure in, and this is going more than well enough for his liking.]
ideismo: (Default)

[personal profile] ideismo 2021-06-22 12:31 pm (UTC)(link)
[Alexei is strangely quiet throughout this entire thing; the only sound he offers is quiet, under his breath, as the kisses find his neck. It's hardly displeased, however, and his grip against Schwann's back tightens involuntarily before he seems to realize and makes himself loosen it a little - not nearly enough to imply that he wants to let go, because he doesn't, but enough to not seem desperate.

Always concerned with impressions, even now.

Granted, it also allows one of his hands to make its way up, fingers burying into Schwann's hair; the gesture is awkward, surely, but it's an affectionate one, stroking through it gently before finding purchase at the nape of Schwann's neck, fingertips kneading into the skin there in a way that's definitely encouraging.

This is something he's going to hate later. Having done all of this here, now... He should be putting a stop to it, he should have more control than this. Especially over Schwann - this is something that shouldn't even have crossed their minds as acceptable. But he can hate himself later; right now his mind is hazy with Hamelin's song from earlier this week and just how good all of this feels and the vague thought that this is something he'll never get to have back in Terca Lumireis - that this is something it never even crossed his mind to want back in Terca Lumireis, because that would involve feelings he isn't allowed to have anymore.

Out of the lot of them, Schwann has always been the one he's trusted most; he's the closest thing to a person that anyone is allowed to be to him, and even then... Even then it's easier to dismiss him as something else, a tool, a doll, some sort of thing that he created, about as complex as the Heracles but equally as unquestioning. Right now it's difficult to keep sight of that - not with Schwann's body pressed up against his, not with the way he seems so interested in doing this and doing it well - and he isn't sure what he should feel about that.

This isn't something he should want, but the fact of the matter is that he does, and for now that's enough.]
ideismo: (22. Of what you've suffered)

[personal profile] ideismo 2021-06-22 11:55 pm (UTC)(link)
[Whether it's a matter of sensitivity or simply not expecting the contact is difficult to say; what is immediately evident is the sharp intake of breath, the soft hiss of air between his teeth at the shift, and it takes him a moment to realize that he's stopped with what he's doing at Schwann's neck. He resumes once he realizes; however, it doesn't change the fact that he's gone very tense, and eventually his free hand finds Schwann's wrist to stop him - it isn't a rebuke, far from, though he takes a moment to calm himself before he says anything.]

No.

[His gaze shifts a bit, somewhere between awkwardness and just...trying to get his bearings back.

He's still toying with Schwann's hair a little, despite himself.]


It isn't a reprimand; you've done nothing wrong. But we shouldn't. Not...beyond this.
ideismo: (17. Among the thoughts and tears)

[personal profile] ideismo 2021-06-23 01:11 am (UTC)(link)
[Eye contact is going to be difficult for the next while, he can tell; he's still not quite managing it. He doesn't miss whatever's happening with Schwann's tone, there's an undercurrent there that he's aware of and rather blatantly going to decide not to read into.]

Whether it is or not isn't the point.

[He'll loosen his grip then, letting Schwann pull away should he choose to; this was... God, he can't bring himself to believe that he regrets it, because at the end of the day he doesn't. But it was ill-advised, this was so hideously ill-advised- ]

...You've done what I asked of you. It was...

[It was...what, exactly?]

I appreciate it.
ideismo: (Default)

[personal profile] ideismo 2021-06-23 03:25 am (UTC)(link)
[For what it's worth, Alexei doesn't seem to want to disengage any more than Schwann does, not really; he seems content to let him stay there for as long as he wants, continuing to play with his hair loosely for the time being.

He lets his eyes slide closed; he isn't sure what to make of all of this now that it's something they aren't currently in the middle of. Was it nice? Probably.

It's strange to him to admit that much to another person, though.]


If that's what you would like to consider it.
ideismo: (18. Of those I've served)

[personal profile] ideismo 2021-06-25 06:01 am (UTC)(link)
[The Council can, with all due respect, go fuck themselves; for as much as Alexei preoccupies himself with what could be considered scandal and what couldn't - things such as acting out while drinking and seeming too friendly with the Guilds are completely unthinkable - his concerns with the Council have been surprisingly absent for the current duration. They'll come back later tonight, and come morning he'll be infinitely more distant and back to the usual refusal to engage in any meaningful way, but for now... For now he's willing to keep up that same soothing contact, even if he isn't entirely sure why.

He isn't normally a gentle person; he tends to play rough with his tools. What had happened at Baction had been more than enough proof of that. It would be a lie, he thinks, to try to assert that this is anything he'd wanted from the start - that there had always been some desire for this out of everything.

But it would be likewise untrue to claim that he doesn't want it now. He can deal with that later.]


Well, I certainly don't mind.
ideismo: (06. Caress the air; embrace the skies)

[personal profile] ideismo 2021-06-29 02:43 am (UTC)(link)
Possibly so.

[He says, knowing full well that it absolutely is and yet not really able to bring himself to give a damn, regarding that.]

Fortunately, I'm not interested in issuing one.
ideismo: (17. Among the thoughts and tears)

[personal profile] ideismo 2021-07-07 04:23 am (UTC)(link)
[Thank you for continuing, Schwann, because there is no acceptable way to ask if that's a good "wow" or not without sounding like a total idiot.

As it stands, this is all very...

...

You know what, "wow" may be an accurate assessment, albeit a really drunk one.]


I...would like that, yes.
ideismo: (05. My purpose is set; my will defined)

[personal profile] ideismo 2021-07-07 04:53 am (UTC)(link)
I don't believe so...

[He's just kind of watching this entire process; it's difficult to tell whether he's actually judging any of this or if that's just the expression his face has decided to settle into. It occurs to him, vaguely, that Schwann seems almost nervous about this; at the very least it's awkward, and while Alexei did not drink nearly as much as pretty much everyone else in that bar did tonight he's still got just enough in him to find this sort of endearing.]

...I'm sure you're aware you can relax?
ideismo: (01. In your dream you see me clear)

[personal profile] ideismo 2021-07-07 06:37 am (UTC)(link)
[Fortunately enough for everyone here, Alexei is not overly picky about bed designations? He has preferences, as anyone does, but he can sleep pretty much wherever. So he'll just pick a side for now, and make his way over there, and...admittedly he's also going to fuss with the bedcovers for a moment before even sitting down on the damn bed because it seems to occur to him, incredibly belatedly, that he should find this awkward.

But eventually he'll settle, and this whole thing is...strange. Again, it's not really the sort of thing that it even really occurs to him to want to do with anyone else; granted, until it had been proposed he hadn't ever thought about wanting to do this with Schwann, either, but now that they've decided to...

...Well. He sort of wonders if they'll keep to the general sentiment of not doing anything.]
ideismo: (17. Among the thoughts and tears)

[personal profile] ideismo 2021-07-08 03:12 am (UTC)(link)
[The boots tend to be a production with regards to dealing with them, and he's content for now to take a moment, to let Schwann settle first before joining him under the covers; this is another thing that he'd obviously never done - one night stands weren't ever anything he'd been interested in, and committed relationships were out of the question for varying reasons, and overall he'd just...never had a reason to engage in anything like this.

He doesn't hate it, though. He's sort of back to using that as a metric, but he doesn't hate it, and it isn't uncomfortable and while it sort of brings with it a sense of "now what" even that isn't something he dislikes.]


...Thank you. For tonight.

[This has been...undeniably a weird experience, but he's allowing himself to decide that he likes it.]

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